They say the past comes back to haunt you. Do you believe that? I do. But not because that’s life, oh no. It’s because of people. 

While at the high school basketball playoff games Saturday, the dad of a friend of mine came and sat next to me. Now we’ve known each other for a couple of years, and he’s seen my strengths and weaknesses in many things. He and I have had brief conversations about me transferring schools on occasion but this time, it was different.

He asked where I planned on going and why.

I gave a short answer, “Change,” I had said. I made a joke and laughed, but he didn’t. He seemed even a little disappointed and uninterested.

But then he asked, “Are you running to something….or from something?”

That. That question. Those 8 words. They echo my mind all day, all night, unwavering, relentlessly seeking an answer I didn’t know at the time. I was quiet after he said that, so he asked if I understood the question. I did. Wholeheartedly, I would have answered that I was running to something, and that something was change.

But what is change? I could make that now! I could fix all my problems now and that’s the change. Except maybe they aren’t problems, they are just life and people and you can’t fix that. That is something you must run from if you want to. But at the same time, that’s running to change.

The change you make is what you do yourself. Otherwise, is that really change?

How would I answer that question now? I want to change people, but I can’t. That’s one point for running from. I want to find new things, new experiences, a new scene. That’s a point for running to. I want to succeed, but that one’s up to life. I want to find a niche where I can be at peace and be happy, undisturbed. Wait. I need a my own private island for that, because that isn’t what this world is of.

Considering all topics: change, life, everyone, and in retrospect, everything, I have a solution.

Both. I’m running from my unfixable problems, but to a new beginning, a new blank page waiting for the touch of words to affix themselves it’s empty, unmarked  aspect.